FAQ
A contribution of The Cephalopod Page
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| 2000 Beanie Baby - Squid or Octopus? |
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| Folks, you really should not be getting your knowledge of marine life anatomy from stuffed toys! I've been getting these questions about octopus taxonomy and anatomy and it turns out the "specimen" in question is a stuffed Beanie Baby toy octopus! Kids do not seem to have any trouble identifying an octopus, stuffed or not. Trouble is adults tend to believe what they read. . . so here it is - in writing.
As the undisputed world expert in octopus toy identification, drawing on my extensive catalogued collection of such, blah blah blah I can tell you that the zillions of cephalopod 2000 Beanie Babies produced are not a squid, but octopus! Heck, they aren't even octopuses mimicking squid! Or even octopuses mimicking squid mimicking octopuses. I don't care what the hang tag says! Yes folks, that is correct, believe it or not, TY messed up. After the great Beanie Baby Market crash of 1999 this is what the world has sunk to. However, the creature is a new species of octopus unknown to science! Why a new species? Real octopuses have a single siphon and this one has two. What they do with two siphons? Detailed behavioral analysis has yielded little as the specimens just sit there. Specimens do seem to somehow attract people, especially maternal females and the odd cephalopod scientist. How they do this and what they do with their two siphons remains a mystery to science. In any case, this clearly is a new species unlike any other. I therefore propose that this beast be placed in the new family: I'mnotasquididae, new genus and species Bisiphonapus cuteapus. Want a second opinion that this is an octopus and not a squid? Purchase a specimen yourself and take it to a class full of second graders and ask them what it is! Enough said! :-) BREAKING NEWS: Professor Ivan Dingledorf at the University of Irreproducible Results has postulated a radical new theory - that these octopuses have evolved a new form of mimicry that may enable them to radiate into terrestrial habitats. The gist of the theory is that instead of changing color, texture and shape, these octopuses have evolved a tag that says, "I'm a squid" and are thus able to fool thousands of people, especially Beanie Baby collectors who houses are their typical habitat. In support of this theory Dr. Dingledorf has cited our observation that these octopuses do not change color, shape or texture, as most octopuses are known to do. However, recent field reports suggest that they are capable of some color, shape and texture changes if run through the wash with bleach and dried on extra hot - perhaps this is an ancestral trait showing through - much like the human tailbone. Dingledorf has tested his tag theory by making a sign saying "I am a giant living pickle" and walking around in public places. Analysis of results statistically show that only a small but statistically significant percentage people actually believe that he is indeed, a giant living pickle while carrying this sign (0.025 < p < 0.05). However, those who collect Beanie Babies are significantly more likely to believe this than those who do not (p < 0.001). Interestingly, kids, who as a group are not fooled by the octopus with the tag saying it is a squid, quickly come to the conclusion that Dr. Dingledorf is actually a nut. Dr. James Wood |